Impasse. Or why you can't argue with account service.

TOWARDS THE END OF A MEETING IN WHICH THE SUIT IS BRIEFING THE TEAM ON A DREARY JOB, A BROCHURE FOR A CAR CLIENT.

SUIT (ANGELO): So that's the brief, guys. Write a brochure promoting the Sniper Roadside Assistance Program.

TEAM (Guy and Rob): Great. (YOU CAN HEAR THE ENTHUSIASM IN THEIR VOICES. OR YOU COULD IF IT WAS THERE)

SUIT: Happiness?

GUY (WRITER): As happy as we could be on a dreary Tuesday morning having just been briefed on possibly the single most boring job in the history of advertising as we know it.

ANGELO: Stop complaining. You get paid.

ROB (ART DIRECTOR): We don't get paid enough for the pain we go through. Unlike you, you just drive up and down from St Kilda Road to Mulgrave and deliver bullshit at both ends.

ANGELO: You try it some time. The client hates me and you hate me. But that's all right, my wife loves me and so does my secretary. I've got all the love I need at the moment.

GUY: That'll end in tears. It always does. Then you won't feel any love from anyone. You'll just be a lonely cheating heel in an empty bar with a drink in front of you and no future except a bunch of regrets.
(PAUSES TO LET THAT SINK IN, ANGELO JUST STARES, OPEN-MOUTHED. SO DOES ROB)
Just one question, Angelo. It says here we can't mention the Sniper breaking down in relation to the Roadside Assist program.

ANGELO: No, of course you can't. They don't want people to think Snipers break down.

ROB: But ... but ... it's a Roadside Assist program. That's what they're for. When cars break down.

ANGELO: Yeah, but they don't want you to mention a Sniper breaking down. It's corporate policy to encourage the new key consumer register keyword of 'reliability' with 'Sniper'.

GUY: Then why have a fucking Roadside Assist program at all, Angelo?

ANGELO: Because all the other manufacturers have them and you have to have one to be competitive.

ROB: It's going to be one of those conversations, Guy.

GUY: It is already, Rob. Angelo, why don't you guys get some balls and tell your client that artificially engineering the language to fulfil some marketing guy's idea of what should and shouldn't be said actually makes you out to look far worse than simply stating the truth in an understated but completely honest way?

ANGELO (BLINKING): What?

GUY: Angelo, come on, you're not that stupid, so don't pretend to be. If you're a consumer and you read the Roadside Assist brochure, if it doesn't actually mention breaking down, it just looks blindingly obvious that you are bullshitting them and avoiding the issue. Because the first thing that comes to mind when you read this kind of stuff is breakdown, however minute the chance, no matter how reliable the vehicle. Even Rolls-Royces 'fail to proceed' sometimes, Angelo.

ANGELO: I know, a hired white drop-top Roller broke down at my cousin's wedding in Footscray last month. But we're not writing brochures for Rolls hire cars, we're writing one for Snipers. Anyway, I don't think of breaking down in relation to the Roadside Assist program, I think of running out of petrol or locking my keys in the car.

ROB: Christ, Angelo, you're a fucking contrary bastard sometimes. Plus, I actually saw a broken down Sniper the other day.

ANGELO: How do you know it hadn't run out of petrol?

ROB: The bonnet was up.

ANGELO: Doesn't prove anything. People put their bonnet up to warn other motorists that they are immobile.

ROB: Usually from breaking down. A friend of mine bought a brand new Audi a few months ago and it stopped on top of the Westgate Bridge - the engine management system packed up within three weeks.

ANGELO: That's why Audis lose their value overnight, Rob.

GUY: Then why do you drive one? Why don't you get yourself a Sniper that never breaks down?

ANGELO: Because they're shit, Guy. And they do break down. We're just not allowed to admit it.

GUY: I give up. Let's go to lunch.

MORAL: DON'T ARGUE WITH CITY HALL. JUST WRITE THE FUCKING AD EVEN IF IT'S A LIE. REVENGE IS BEING ABLE TO LIE ELOQUENTLY.