Mixed Metaphors, Part Two.

YESTERDAY, ACCOUNT GUYS MALCOLM AND STUART WERE WORRIED ABOUT THE HOLISTIC OATS COMPANY'S REACTION TO THE NEW CAMPAIGN AND VISITED CD JAMES IN HIS OFFICE TO VOICE THEIR CONCERNS. THEY ASKED JAMES TO COME TO A MEETING WITH HOLISTIC THE NEXT MORNING AND CONVINCE THEM THE CAMPAIGN IS RIGHT.

9.30 NEXT MORNING IN RECEPTION. A COPYWRITER, SIMON, WANDERS IN. HE IS CARRYING A JUMBO TAKEAWAY COFFEE AND AROUND HIS NECK IS A LARGE SHOULDER SLING BAG FROM WHICH IS PRECARIOUSLY HANGING A SCARF, A BOOK AND THE WIRING OF HIS IPOD. HE MUMBLES TO HIMSELF, PICKS UP A NEWSPAPER FROM THE VISITORS' TABLE AND HEADS TOWARDS THE KITCHEN. BEHIND THE DESK, THE RECEPTIONIST, REGINA, LOOKS UP.

REGINA: You bring that back, won't you.

SIMON: Why? Someone else will just take it.

REGINA: You know you're not supposed to take the papers from reception.

SIMON: I have to catch up with what's happening in the world. You know I don't work in the morning, Regina. I read the papers, then I do the crossword, then I go out for more coffee, then I come back and bitch in the corridor to someone for half an hour, then I go to lunch.

REGINA: Why don't you just come to work after lunch, Simon?

SIMON: And do what? Stay home? I'd be bored shitless.

TWO BUSINESSMEN ENTER RECEPTION - THE GUYS FROM HOLISTIC OATS.

REGINA (SWEET SMILE): Good morning! Can I help you?

FIRST MAN: Morning. Peters. Holistic Oats.

REGINA: Who are you to see, Mr Peters?

MR PETERS: Malcolm and Stuart.

REGINA: Very well, Mr Peters, I'll let them know you're here. Would either of you gentlemen like a coffee or tea?

MR PETERS: No thanks. You, Jim?

JIM: Coffee. Black and one.

REGINA: Certainly, I'll just get it for you.

SHE GOES INTO THE KITCHEN.

JIM AND MR PETERS SIT DOWN. MR PETERS LOOKS FOR THE PAPER.

MR PETERS: Where's the paper.

JIM: Dunno. It's not here.

IN THE KITCHEN, SIMON IS GETTING A BOWL OF CEREAL TO GO WITH HIS COFFEE AND THE NEWSPAPER.

REGINA (ALMOST UNDER HER BREATH S SHE GLANCES THROUGH THE SLATS OF THE KITCHEN WINDOW AT THE RECEPTION AREA WHERE MR PETERS AND JIM HAVE TAKEN A SEAT): Well they're a happy bunch. Life must be a lot of fun down at the oats factory.

SIMON: Give them a break. They work in oats. Imagine the dinner party conversation: 'What are you in?' 'Oats.' 'Oats? Like what horses eat?' 'Yeah, oats, like what horses eat.' 'Do you sell oat bags as well?' 'No, we don't sell oat bags. We don't do horse oats, we do oats for people.' 'People eat oats? How unusual!' 'It's called porridge when people eat it.' 'Ooooooh! Porridge! Why didn't you say that to begin with!'

REGINA: A little harsh, perhaps, Simon.

SIMON: Yes, but you must remember I'm very sensitive to people's reactions when they ask what you do for a living. People never get what a copywriter does. I'm always having to explain.

REGINA: Well, when it comes to you, no wonder, Simon! What do you do, anyway? I've never really understood.

SIMON IS ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING SARCASTIC ABOUT RECEPTIONISTS AND TELEPHONES.

REGINA: Just kidding! I know what you do! You do typing!

SHE LAUGHS UPROARIOUSLY AND SIMON GLARES FIERCELY AS REGINA EXITS KITCHEN.

DISSOLVE TO THE BOARDROOM. STUART AND MALCOLM ARE SHOWING IN MR PETERS AND JIM.

STUART: Morning, Mr Peters. Morning, Jim!

MALCOLM: Have a seat, guys and make yourselves comfortable.

STUART: How was the traffic this morning?

MALCOLM: I'm sure it was the usual scrum?

MR PETERS AND JIM HAVEN'T SAID A WORD DESPITE THE CONVERSATION OPENERS. THEY PAINSTAKINGLY OPEN THEIR BRIEFCASES AND TAKE OUT REAMS OF DOCUMENTS, PENS, CELL PHONES. MALCOLM EXPECTS TO SEE A PACKED LUNCH EMERGE. THEY ARE THE KINDS OF CLIENTS WHO DON'T DO SMALL TALK AND TAKE TOO MUCH STUFF AROUND WITH THEM EVERYWHERE, WITH THE RESULT THAT THERE ARE ALWAYS LONG SILENCES WHILE THEY UNPACK OR PACK UP ALL THEIR SHIT AND DON'T TALK WHILE THEY'RE DOING IT.

MALCOLM (GLANCING WITH ANXIETY AT HIS WATCH): Well! Our creative director James should appear any minute and we can get started!

STUART: Mr Peters, while we're waiting, did you just want to briefly run through some of your concerns about the new campaign we've developed for you? Just while we're waiting for James?

MR PETERS: No.

MALCOLM PRACTICALLY JUMPS. IT'S THE FIRST THING MR PETERS HAS SAID.

TO BE CONTINUED.