Cup Day Holiday, Part One.

THE MELBOURNE CUP MIGHT BE THE BIGGEST HORSERACE IN THE WORLD BUT A BIGGER RACE HAPPENS ON THE PREVIOUS FRIDAY, WHEN HUNDREDS OF EMPLOYEES GALLOP TO THE MD'S OR CD'S OFFICES TO ASK FOR THE MONDAY OFF, MAKING IT A FOUR DAY WEEKEND. AS USUAL, THE IMPORTANT PEOPLE GET IN FIRST.

IN THE CD'S OFFICE ARE CREATIVE DIRECTOR JASON; ART, AN ART DIRECTOR (ART IS HIS REAL NAME - IT IS SHORT FOR ARTHUR. IF YOU ARE YOUNGER THAN FORTY YOU PROBABLY WOULDN’T KNOW THAT BECAUSE THERE HAVE BEEN NO ARTHURS BORN IN THE LAST THIRTY YEARS, EXCEPT ART, WHO IS 26) AND SIMONE, A WRITER.

JASON: I’m not coming in Monday, so you guys will have to take the Weeton’s brief.

ART (OBSEQUIOUSLY): That’s fine, Jase. We’ll look after it. Have a great four-day weekend. You deserve it after all the pitching this week. This month, in fact. Six months, even.

THAT'S WHAT HE SAYS, BUT INSIDE, HE THINKS: "FUCK YOU, JASON, YOU OVERFED FAT LAZY PRICK, YOU DO THIS EVERY SINGLE FUCKING YEAR. YOU ARE THE LAZIEST CREATIVE DIRECTOR ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET. PLUS I WANTED TO TAKE MONDAY OFF."

SIMONE: Yeah, enjoy your long weekend, Jason. Are you going to the Cup? THEN, WITHOUT WAITING FOR AN ANSWER: By the way, I thought Ziggy and Marg were taking the Weeton’s brief.

JASON: They were, but the COFF (Completely Organic Food Favourites) campaign for organic chocolate flavoured tofu has come back and Ziggy and Marg have to redo it because the COFF people rejected the concept. They thought an animated soy bean and an animated coco bean going to bed together didn’t fit their key demographic.

SIMONE: What, don’t thirty-something self-obsessed vegan hippies who refuse to eat anything other than non genetically-modified wilting things grown on communes and picked in moonlight ever have sex?

JASON: They probably do, although it would probably be better if they didn’t. Either way, you guys will have to do the Weeton’s campaign for their new range of roof nails.

ART: Thanks, Jase. That's great. I have always wanted to work on roof nails. And it's a shame about the bean idea. I loved the idea of beans having sex with each other and producing little chocolate soy bean offspring. It was sooooo cute.

JASON: Don't be sarcastic, Art. And be thankful you're not a roof tiler or you'd have to do a lot more than come up with a campaign for roofing nails, you'd have to get up on the fucking roof and nail them in all day.

ART: That would be a lot less dangerous than this business, Jase.

THE LOUDSPEAKER INTERRUPTS: Would everyone (crackle crackle) into the (inaudible crackle again) for the Melbourne Cup (crackle crackle).

JASON: That fucking speaker has been playing up for more than a year. Amazing. We're producing billion dollar campaigns for worldwide multinational companies but we can't fix a fucking speaker in our own roof. One day the building will burn down and they won't be able to tell us to evacuate and we’ll all burn to death because of the broken speaker needing one tradesman with a screwdriver to fix.

THEY ALL TROOP INTO THE BOARDROOM.